The story of the shrinking egg

Watch this space

Last week I told the doctor the tumour is shrinking and she said ‘it won’t be shrinking yet it’s too early’. Well watch this space doctor!! I can now lay on my stomach for the first time in months (the lump was very large and uncomfortable before) and the tumour is now back to golf ball size from the previous egg size. It’s the benefit of breast cancer over some other types of cancer that I can SEE the tumour and watch it shrink.

Whether you believe it’s prayer, diet (cutting out sugar and carbs etc), chemo or a combination of everything… I’m claiming it!! So yes. Watch this space.

Taking advise from others

It’s always good to have helpful advise from people and I appreciate it very much but it’s also important that I research my game plan and feel positive about it. My health plan isn’t ‘random’, it’s been discussed with my doctors, clinical trial specialists and I’ve read many medical journals, books and discussed options with health experts.

Whether my choices are the best in other peoples eyes can’t be a focus for me. In order to feel ‘positive’ I need to be confident that it will work and it gives me a way to contribute to my health, along with prayer and support from friends.

So please don’t think I don’t appreciate what you suggest as a lot of it has been very helpful and I know it is well intended.

As for exercise. No, I’m not over doing it and yes it is the best thing to do when you are on chemo, according to research. I’m under no illusions as to how long I have to keep it up and how my white blood cells vanishing will make me tired. By nature I’m a fighter. I’m not going to sit on the couch and lose all of my energy by being inactive. Energy doesn’t ‘save’. It depletes when you don’t maintain your fitness.

Doctors used to advise people to rest as much as possible during treatment, but this has changed. We now know that too much rest results in loss of muscle strength and leaves you with low energy levels. Read more here

Here are the benefits of exercising during chemo:

-reduces side effects of the chemo
-reduces tiredness (fatigue)
-reduce stress and anxiety
-helps look after your bones
-helps look after your heart
-helps reduce your risk of getting a blood clot
-helps keep your weight healthy

If you’re on chemo and you don’t have an exercise routine, start very slowly. It’s not the time to get into hard core fitness now!It’s best to find an approach which suits you as it’s not for everyone. I’m 53 years old and had started a running routine about 5 months before I began chemo. I also go to pilates, body balance and workout in the gym. All of this I did prior to getting cancer so my body is used to it.

There are many hundreds of sites supporting exercise during fitness, both medical journals and personal cases. Of course it’s important not to over do it and to listen to your body when it needs rest.

Here is an example of someone who rode her bike to and from her chemotherapy sessions

Mothers day classic

We’ve started a Mothers day classic team called ‘The Wood Hood’ team. We’ve raised $135 so far Woo hoo! I hope I’ll feel up to it when the time comes but it’s given me a goal.

So if you can afford to support our team or join it, here is the link.

Facing another tiger

10151853_10152099808549506_1894207290_n As you can see, cancer isn’t the first tiger I’ve had to face! Cancer seems to have paws and teeth greater than the Tiger in Thailand but I intend to strangle it instead of holding it tentatively.

Good news: We found a 4 HOUR CAR PARK AT MAROONDAH HOSPITAL today for my chemo session. Whoot! Plus… we were only there for 3.5 hours so we had 30 minutes to spare. I hope we donated those 30 minutes to somebody who needed them. The MOTH sat semi patiently through the chemo session, even though he didn’t have the ‘move the car’ breaks every 2 hours. What a man:)

I should be finished by February 2015.

Whee! February 2015. That’s providing I don’t have any low blood cells and need a break from chemo. I was advised today that I’ve actually got 26 more weeks of chemo to go before I have surgery and radiotherapy as it’s a 7 month chemo program. From this angle that seems like a long haul and I have to admit that it often feels overwhelming. I am usually very active with art projects, work, uni etc but right now it seems I am just concentrating on getting well. It’s pretty boring and self centred but I can’t seem to think outside this little world I’m in. It’s not that I have nothing to do, it’s more that I can’t find any focus. I have a listlessness that is foreign to me. I don’t think the ‘chemo fog’ in my brain helps! Each week I am in a completely different state of mind so perhaps it’s a phase. Hooray for moving to the next phase!

A massive week of shenanigans

Last week was pretty huge. The chemo side effects weren’t too bad, just lots of small things and general tiredness. Of course if you look at what happened during the week it’s any wonder I wasn’t exhausted…

I went to Daylesford on the weekend before chemo with my sister
My son crawled out unscathed from a 4WD accident where the car had flipped onto it’s roof (see last post) and gave me a heart attack
I started chemo!!
I kept up my exercise routine as per usual
I went to Ballarat overnight with Colin mid week
My daughter is going through a tough time right now. Us mothers feel our daughters pain with them.

It’s all happening at the Wood hood. I managed to walk 10+km at Ballarat, run 3.5 km around the athletics track and another 3km on a treadmill plus 3 gym/pilates classes and I’ve been out galavanting, socialising and entertaining visitors as well.

The doctor said today that I am on the highest end of the scale for my ability to exercise during chemo and that it will help to overcome the effects and the efficiency of the drug. That and all my little prayer warriors have certainly done the trick.

They removed one of the 3 anti-nausea drugs I was on because it is playing havoc with my digestive system and it seems I’m not getting nausea. Hooray for that! I came out of chemo today with flying colours and after a little nap I’m ready to tackle the world from my chemo foggy brain. Woo hoo!

Chemo #1 over… 24 weeks to go!

Hooray I got through the first chemo session with no adverse reactions so I’m good to go for another 24 weeks! I’ve been randomly selected into the ‘comparative’ group of the clinical trial, which means I’ll be on Paclitaxel (taxol ®) rather than the new drug Abraxane. Even though I missed out on the Abraxane, the use of Paclitaxel prior to surgery is still a new concept. It’s a highly toxic bomb blast so that ought to do the trick. Unfortunately it is necessary for me to also have cortisone, which wouldn’t have been necessary with the Abraxane drug. Abraxane is also safer, allows higher dosing with shorter infusion duration, and produces higher tumour drug concentration.

No matter! There has been some good success with Abraxane and it’s going to work. I have 16 weekly shots of that and then 8 of the ‘usual’ chemo that everyone else has. THEN surgery and THEN radio therapy. Whew. There’s a long road ahead.

A big thank-you!

I’ve had literally hundreds of emails, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and blog messages and I’m so grateful to have you all praying and/or cheering me along. It really makes a huge difference and I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate you if I don’t respond to the comments. Thank God I’ve been feeling calm and balanced with a high level of hope and faith that all will be well but I have you all to thank for much of that.

News flash: The MOTH (Man Of The House) sat for 6 hours

We were at Maroondah for 6 hours and he survived the day without going stir crazy!! Hoorah for the MOTH. He is such a tower of strength right now and I don’t know how I would battle along without him by my side.

The 6 hours wasn’t all waiting so that sounds way more miraculous than it really is. He had the mandatory ‘moving of the car to another 2 hour spot’ and we had several appointments before the actual chemo began. The MOTH also exited very quickly when they put the IV into my arm. Big Brave Fireman. It gave all the nurses and other chemo patients a laugh.

The team at the chemo clinic are lovely and very informative. I was sitting opposite a Swinburne staff member who talked her little head off the whole time. WHAT IS IT WITH SWINBURNE and breast cancer??? There are so many of us with it right now or had it recently it’s ridiculous. She was on her last treatment so that is great for her and I hope she bounces back from it soon.

So… the MOTH was ‘out talked’ by this person sitting opposite us. Miracle! He found someone who could talk under water more than him LOL.

Toilet cleaning duty

Who would have ever thunk it? The LIST of do’s and don’ts with chemo is scary enough but toilet cleaning? Yeesh. Apparently I have to double flush the loo with the lid down and disinfect the toilet bowl every time I use it so that nobody gets infected by chemo drugs. If I’d known I’d have to clean the loo all day I’D HAVE NEVER AGREED TO IT!!! Yeesh.

As well as that, I am not to:

go shopping in crowded shops (almost impossible)
go to gym when it’s crowded (almost impossible)
go in spas (semi difficult)

I have to:

take my temperature every morning and call an ambulance if it goes over 38
rinse my mouth with salt water 4 times a day
Double bag vomit
Stay away from people with bugs (almost impossible)

… the list is a mile long and I’m sure you already know it. I’m sure I’ll figure it all out. Hopefully my white cell count won’t go down too much and I can be my usual wild thing self.

Guess what I woke up to yesterday!

So the drama is all happening in the Wood Hood. I was laying in bed yesterday, my big 1st chemo day, thinking ‘it’s strange that I didn’t hear how the boys went on their 4WD trip’. I opened my iPad and saw this photo!!!

Screenshot 2:04:14 7:54 AM 2

My two sons went on their first 4WD trip with a bunch of mates and their girlfriend and wife. Blake was in the passenger seat of this one. Both he and the driver (who I have known since he was 12 and is a good friend of my 30yo son) got out unscathed. It’s actually very typical of Blake to laugh in the face of danger. He is my super hero. and lands on his feet at the worse possible scenarios of which most of us would never get ourselves into in the first place.

I need some of that right now!!!

Another funny man story

unnamed On the weekend I went to Hepburn Springs for a night with one of my three sisters. We talked nonstop while driving there, in the mineral spa bathhouse, out for tea, back at the ‘cottage’, breakfast, shopping and all the way home. I don’t know how all of those words fit into our brains but it is always the way with us sisters. You can only imagine what the four of us sound like when we’re together. It was just what I needed to distract me from my first day of chemo tomorrow. It was an awesome weekend and I loved spending time with my sister. Next time all of us will go away together I hope!

On the Sunday morning we went to Daylesford market, which is where I found another ‘not-so-funny’ man who turned me into yet another circus act.

You can read about my other incident here.

The ‘funny’ man had a stall full of lovely handmade woollen hats. I proceeded to look for ones which I liked the style of, would come down low enough to cover my future bald head and in a colour I liked. However, the guy from the stall, insisted on shoving hats on my head which I didn’t like, were the wrong shape and then claimed that they looked amazing. This persisted for a few minutes and I almost walked off but I really liked the hats so it was not an option. I HAD to buy one.

In the most discrete way possible, I very quietly told him that I will be beginning chemo this week so I needed a particular style of hat. Being a sanguine p unnamed (1) ersonality type myself, I understand a fellow sanguine but in this instance I was wishing he was… well… erm… a little more tactful and a little less helpful. He raised his voice for the whole market to hear that each of the next 6 hats he plonked on my head were perfect for someone having chemo. He encouraged other customers to contribute to the discussion. I couldn’t wait to run away but my sister needed a photo so here it is. As you can see, he had no regard for my fringe being in my eye.

Yeesh! What is it with me lately? I seem to be getting into hilarious situations which turn me into a sideshow!

Breast cancer post #7

A week feels like a year!

Treatment begins next Tuesday (April Fools day) but it feels like it’s been a year in the waiting. Mostly I’ve been feeling calm with the odd ‘meltdown’. It’s not necessary to always be positive. It’s about balance. It’s OK to have bad days as long as you have more good ones. So the one bad day I had is OK considering it’s been 11 weeks since I found the lump. It’s been a LONG wait for treatment.

This blog is helpful for me as far as explaining to people where I’m at without having to verbally tell me story frequently. I also hope it will be an inspiration to other sufferers and their families some day.

I’ve been asked lots of questions about the treatment and been given lots of helpful advise but sometimes people find it difficult to understand why I’m having chemo 1st and surgery 2nd. Others suggest that I try natural remedies or healing. As I’ll explain here… I only have one chance. So if I don’t take the most aggressive option it’s too late to change my mind. The tumour is large and has invaded breast tissue but I’m very glad that there is no evidence of it invading other places!

I’ve condensed my diagnosis and treatment story to help people to understand why I have chosen to go down the ‘clinical trial path’.

Facts about Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC)

Most people are under the belief that there is only one type of breast cancer. In fact there are many. There are also different grades and different stages. so one treatment cannot be applied to all breast cancer types.

Typical breast cancer types: Seventy to 80% of all breast cancers are positive for estrogene (ER) or progesterone receptors (PgR). In contrast, the (HER2) protein overexpression and/or HER2 gene are overexpressed , in approximately 15–20%. Both of these cancer types respond to targeted treatment (either hormones or Herceptin).

The type I have: The remaining 10–15% of breast cancers is negative for all of the above cancer types. These are defined as triple negative breast cancer (TNBC).3

Among all the breast cancer subtypes, TNBC is associated with a worse prognosis. It has a characteristic recurrence pattern with the peak risk of recurrence and the majority of deaths occurring in the first 3 and 5 years after the initial treatment, respectively.
TNBC is less likely to be discovered on a mammogram than other types of breast cancer.
Anyone can get TNBC. However, it tends to strike younger women, women with BRCA1 mutations, and women of African, Latina, or Caribbean descent. Asian and non-Hispanic white women are less likely to develop TNBC, according to BreastCancer.org.

The clinical trial I’ll be taking part in

A small, early study (in 2010) found that 66% of locally advanced, triple-negative breast cancers treated before surgery with a combination of carboplatin (brand name: Paraplatin) and Taxotere (chemical name: docetaxel) had no living cancer cells in the tumour when it was removed.

In this study, 14 women diagnosed with locally advanced, triple-negative breast cancer were neoadjuvantly treated with a combination of two chemotherapy medicines: carboplatin and Taxotere. The women received six courses of the chemotherapy combination before surgery in three-week cycles. All of the women completed the entire chemotherapy course. After chemotherapy, the women had surgery to remove the breast cancer. A pathologist examined the removed tissue to see if there were signs of cancer cell activity.

Nine of the 14 women had a pathologic complete response to the chemotherapy given before surgery. This is notable because pathologic complete response to treatment usually indicates improved survival without the cancer growing.

http://www.breastcancer.org/research-news/20101005-3

The trial I’m taking part in is the phase before it is implemented. There are 600+ women on the trial across the world. United sisters!

I’m no hero

Participating in a clinical trial feels good as it helps women in the future, but I’m no hero, it’s just that the outlook isn’t great otherwise. Without being a drama queen… this trial is my life line. I’m so blessed to be living in an age where this kind of treatment is possible.

I’m taking an array of supplements (carefully chosen by an qualified specialist) to boost my immunity, energy and kill cancer cells. I’m also on a strict diet plan. No sugar, low fat, plenty of fruit and veges and a good balance of more Omega 3 than Omega 6. It makes me feel like I’m doing something! Who knows if it makes a difference but it feels good to be doing something active.

Roll on Tuesday. I’m getting over it!

I’m going away with one of my three sisters on the weekend to relax in the lap of luxury. YAY!

Breast cancer post #6- One week to chemo!

You don’t know what to say to me. I don’t know what to say to you. Check mate. It’s all rather awkward. I’m so blessed to have a sense of humour which I put into action at those silent moments when people struggle to find their words. If they don’t think I’m funny at least I amuse myself.

Yesterday I had the ultimate awkward experience. A guy, who I have met only twice (briefly) totally lost it. I thought he knew I had cancer but soon realised he didn’t. When I told him he became overwrought and took me in his arms and began sobbing into my hair.

It was then I got a whiff of alcohol on his breath.

I attempted to remove him from my personal space but it just didn’t work. My daughter, daughter in law and son’s girlfriend all skulked away (laughing). I was left rubbing his back and telling him it was ok. ‘Have you had a bad experience with cancer?’ I asked? ‘It’s not about ME, it’s about YOU’ he wailed.

OK… so it went on for 5 minutes and I managed to peel myself off him and say ‘it’s time for me to go now’. I walked briskly, with him slung around my shoulders, to where the girls were. The guy was saying ‘You’re poor daughter she must be so upset’ and then hugging and wailing again. I looked up to see Sophie trying to hide her laughter behind her wallet. The ‘very upset daughter’ and the other 2 girls escaped up the street laughing and left me there. Yeesh. You know who your friends are.

Eventually he told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek and I bolted up the street like lightening and jumped into the car. It caused hysterical laughter all the way home so it was all worth it… almost.

SO… now I’m equipped to handle any reaction. Bring it on!

Medical news

I had all my tests today and the results will all be analysed and sent to central base. Then my name will be sent to Italy and I will be ‘randomised’ into a group. Then I will be totally random. Yay!

So all going well… I begin chemo next Tuesday, April 1st. Yes April fools day. I’m more than ready for it as it feels like nothing much is happening right now. I’m still feeling calm and positive but have a need to take action as well.

I’ve begun a diet as well as taking supplements which were suggested to me by a pharmacist who went to a conference where the author of ‘Five to thrive’ was speaking. My friend works at the pharmacy and the pharmacist knew about me so she wrote a list especially for me.

So as well as the cancer killing diet, I’m all plumped up with these little babies! It makes me feel like I’m doing something active, other than drinking coffee with friends.

Hairy head

I ‘ve started making hats with matching scarfs out of stretch fabric. I can get a hat and scarf out of 50cm of fabric. Today I cut up an old poncho and made a hat and scarf from it. This will catch on in Paris for sure. My life has been reduced to domestic bliss and hat happiness. I can cook up a mean broccoli sprout in the thermomix.

I’m so blessed to have the chemo in Winter where wearing beanies etc is OK and my head won’t get too hot wearing a wig. I also have some clever family doing some knitting and I can’t wait to see what they come up with.

This morning I went armed with Sophie to the wig shop in Ringwood and bought two synthetic ones from the Rachel Welsh range. The MOTH always fancied Rachel so that might add some spark to the marriage! The wigs are surprisingly realistic and I’m almost looking forward to the low maintenance hairdo.

My art expo

SInce Paul has been so lovely and extended my exhibition dates, please go and check out his new business. Have a lovely coffee and lunch at Forest Edge Stone in Kallista, they have extended my art exhibition until May 1st. Ignore the ‘April the 10th’ end date on the website: http://www.forestedgestone.com.au/

Breast cancer post #5- bald is beautiful?

eabca4f446b033e81f4508e10378242e

There is no doubt that having breast cancer makes me question what’s important. I’ve always lived life to the fullest, perhaps because both of my parents died young (biological father- 23 and mother- 54). Perhaps it’s just my personality. Having cancer takes my focus a step further however. It is probably a phase I’m going through but I have little interest in the usual life pleasures right now. I’m finding it more important to connect with people. You should see my diary!

Are split ends important? A broken finger nail? Work? Home decorations? Shopping? Well no. I’m sure it’s a temporary state of mind. In saying that, I have to say yes… losing my hair does mean something. Call me vain but I’m not sure that it’s all about vanity.

It’s very confronting to go to a wig shop and try on wigs (which made me look like a supermodel I have to say LOL). It’s even worse to have your hair tucked away and a ‘chemo hat’ planted on your head. I didn’t look like me. I looked like a cancer patient. I know hair isn’t everything it’s just on the outside but it confronted me with my illness in a very powerful way. It’s just as well the lovely lady in the shop was prattling away in my ear and distracting me from the sight.

This week I had my hair chopped to shoulder length. Perhaps I’ll get 1cm cut every day for the next 3 weeks! In the meantime, I’m designing my own hats so watch this space. I’ve never been a hat person (they don’t stay on my head) so that will be a new fashion statement. Sophie and I went looking at hats (and other stuff) last night. I didn’t buy any but tried on a few… You like?

Breast cancer post #4

Woo hoo I’ve finally found some information on the clinical trial I’ll be taking part in that isn’t written in gobbleldy gook!

If you’re interested, have a read. It’s actually quite ground breaking treatment for a type of cancer which previously had little hope. The article is referring to the ‘guinea pig’ phase, which is different to what I am doing as I am on a trial phase. The trial phase is the last step before they implement this strategy as a standard treatment for people with Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC). http://www.breastcancer.org/research-news/20101005-3

This article on Triple Negative breast cancer is also informative but written in plain speak: http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/diagnosis/trip_neg/behavior

I begin treatment on Tuesday the April 1st (April Fools day), providing all the tests are done and the paperwork sorted in Italy (!) by then. In the meantime I’ll be doing more tests. Yay! Not. So I will be put into a randomized group and get one of two Nab-paclitaxel type drugs. So group A uses one Nab-paclitaxel drug and group B uses the other. I will know which group I’m in but I can’t choose. Then after that treatment I will begin standard chemo treatment and then surgery and radio therapy.

Sounds like a plan?

Keeping positive

People keep telling me to keep positive but how am I supposed to do that when I have Triple Negative breast cancer? That means I need to be triple positive just to be neutral so that’s a lot to ask LOL.

Actually… I am feeling ridiculously positive. Not that I’m in denial, it’s just that I have absolutely no doubt I’m going to kick it. That could be the power of prayer and being surrounded by such amazing friends and family and whatever other reasons we can come up with but it just isn’t in my radar not to kick it.

My Mum was my age when she got cancer (53) and died at 54 a few months later, so that’s a bit scary but I will not let that take over me.

It might be called Triple Negative but I’m feeling triple positive.

I finished this artwork yesterday. It was started in the middle of the night about 5 days ago and reflected how I felt at the time. The dead of night does that to you. Although it isn’t a reflection of where I’m at right now, it does highlight that first couple of days where I wanted to curl up in a ball. When I look at it now I remember the feeling but it isn’t something I can identify with (today).

I’m sure that as I go along I’ll meet an array of different feelings. Maybe my positive hype will wane a little when I’m in the middle of Winter (urgh), chemo and the long haul is still ahead.

My brain is already in a kind of fog. It feels like the world is rushing by me and I’m here in my foggy place. To top it off I have to come off HRT which is a bit nasty and bound to make the fog worse. Has anyone got an anti fog machine?

Todays funny MOTH story

Sorry MOTH… but you do keep me (and everyone) entertained. As a typical MFB firefighter, he is used to getting a ribbing. It’s all part of the culture. So I’m sure he can take it and he knows I love him dearly. Now on with the story…

You know he doesn’t like sitting still right? Well hospital appointments are our new worst nightmare. I’m about to make him an activity pack for our waiting times. Colouring books, pencils, snacks and Valium. Oops… sorry I didn’t mean Valium that just slipped in there.

This week, he was sitting on a bench seat in the radiology waiting room and a woman came up to him and said ‘could you please sit still as your jiggling is making it hard for me to send a text message’.

Some people just need a perfect world LOL.

Breast cancer post #3

Woo hoo! That’s another stage out of the way. I’ll begin with the medical news…

Good news: There are no obvious signs of cancer in other parts of my body. So any cancer cells floating around should be killed off with the chemo. That’s something of a relief for sure! PLUS… I don’t have to have the core biopsy on Friday and that’s pretty awesome too as I’m still bruised from the last one.

So the cancer is grade 3 (fast growing) but it hasn’t spread beyond the breast so we can manage that! It’s doubled in size in 2 months so let’s get that thing shrunken!!

Other news: The cancer has been diagnosed as Triple negative breast cancer which is unusual (of course… I’m destined to be unusual). I meet the criteria for the clinical trial which I’ll be taking part in: Neoadjuvant Chemotherapy With Nab-paclitaxel in Women With HER2-negative High-risk Breast Cancer (ETNA). By doing this I feel I’m contributing to providing better treatment for women in the future and also gaining close monitoring and new medical techniques.

My part in breast cancer research clinical trial: The short description of the trial is that I’ll begin with chemo using 3 types. One of the types is usually used for secondary cancer but they are trialling the use of it for primary breast cancer. Once I have completed 6 months of chemo I’ll go on to surgery and radiation treatment. Hopefully the chemo will shrink the tumour down to nothing or almost nothing and the surgery will not be as significant. I have to have surgery regardless of how small it gets. It will also mean that any cells floating around my body will be killed very soon rather than waiting until after surgery. Death to the cells!!

Click here to read the medical jargon about the trial

Click here to read about Triple Negative breast cancer

Where to from here: Today I’m to read the pages and pages of research clinical trials info and sign it. I’m going back in tomorrow with the signed forms and to get things kick started. Chemo will be at Maroondah hospital, most likely on Tuesdays which is a bit disappointing as I was hoping for LILYDALE but oh well. The car parking at Maroondah will be a small challenge in the scheme of things.

I don’t know when chemo starts but possibly next week. Stand by!

The non medical stuff

Every day I get a parcel in the mail.

Not from ebay but from various cancer foundations.

I got the ugliest bra EVER. But I’m very grateful to have received it.
A pilates video
A million trillion books and reading material
A journal and diary

It’s like Christmas (not!).

My friends and relatives expect great things from Colin

Ever since my last blog post, Colin has a growing list of things to purchase. Camping trailers, overseas trips, guitars etc. He has been putting his small change away especially. One of his work buddies sent me an sms saying that Colin would never buy me a Ferrari so he would buy it. YAY!!! I knew I loved Dave from the moment I met him. Red would be good Dave.

People are so awesome

I’m so humbled and grateful for those around who have been so thoughtful. It’s really very touching to have the practical things and the flowers etc but mostly the kind words and prayer. I am not alone and boy do I know it!

My daughter is awesome

The world of wigs and weird bras is all new but my darling daughter is right onto it. Yesterday she ordered me an eyebrow stencil. I really appreciate her help in these matters but I can’t help finding it funny because I use stencils with my artwork quite often. If I need to draw a circle perfectly, for example, I use a stencil. So I have visions of eyebrows like this one of my drawings, below. If I get right into it I’ll draw in some eyelashes to match. Where does it end? Let’s not think about it.

Anyhow, I’ve booked into a Look Good Feel Better workshop thanks to Ash (sons girlfriend) for her research and Sophie (daughter) can come and take credit for my eyebrows.

Screenshot 18:03:14 2:23 PM

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Breast cancer post #2

I’ve had a very busy and social weekend with my wonderful family and friends. It can be exhausting to experience the emotion of others when my own emotions are soaring in different directions but I am finding the courage to do that and it’s getting easier by the day.

People have been very supportive AND practical which is a huge relief to me. Paul, from Forest Edge Stone, for example, has extended my art exhibition to May 1st (3 extra weeks) for no charge so I don’t have to worry about it. You can find out more about that here. What a man!

It’s odd but I feel surprised by people being emotional. It’s not that I’m not touched (afterwards) it’s just that it confuses me for the first few seconds. I automatically think ‘I wonder why she is upset’. So in true Bredle family (mothers side) style, I’m breaking the ice with humour. It shocks people sometimes but if I can make people laugh I feel happy and so do they. I’m also perfectly comfortable to speak openly about the ‘other feelings’ so it’s not that I’m in denial. Mostly I feel quite enveloped in a calmness and peace, mixed with a positive and fighting spirit and I am touched by the empathy others feel comfortable to show. No behaviour is wrong or right. Feelings are feelings. I have found enough grace to understand that how people react (or don’t react) isn’t always an indicator of how they feel.

So as well as catching up with loved ones… I’ve discovered that there are now half a dozen ex/current Swinburne staff with breast cancer, diagnosed in the last month or so and many who have had it in the past 2 years. I could make comment on that but let’s leave it alone:) I’m catching up with a couple of them for coffee next week so we can support each other.

In the quiet moments I’ve included a tad of artwork. I began drawing again at 1am Saturday night when I couldn’t sleep. One of them was very bleak and I’m going to ‘bin it’ and others were introspective. The plan is to ‘half complete’ a pile of drawings and finish them off while I’m on the chemo drip.

This one (above) is probably expressing more than my words can say but even though it is ‘sad’ looking, the wings are a symbol of ‘hope’. They are also breast cancer ribbons which are a bit cliche but… meh!

Warning: my humour can be black

So my new plead with the MOTH (Man Of The House) is ‘If you loved me… I’ve got cancer you know’. So far I’ve asked for a Ferrari, a house down the beach and I asked him to shave his head when I do mine. He was shocked at first but now he is responding with ‘I don’t love you that much’.

Last night we were having dinner with a bunch of my wonderful friends and I extended it to request many things on behalf of others. ‘Colin, if you loved me you would buy Janet a house, Gail an iPad etc etc.’

Anyone who wants to get in on the act can slip me a commission of 25%. Now that I’ve got no job I’m becoming entrepreneurial.

French Lentils have the power

The things I love to eat (apparently)…

Broccoli, Walnuts, Beans, Garlic, Mushrooms, Broccoli sprouts, Pomegranates, Lentils, Blueberries, Spinach, Eggs, Salmon, Rye bread (whole rye flour), Sweet potato (all yellow veges and fruits), Kohlrabi, Whole grains, Flaxseed

No high fat dairy or processed meat

Keep off the processed food

NO SUGAR

LOW CAEBS

I figured if I looked up power food for fighting cancer and stick to a diet (loosely) I will have some kind of control over my body. So I printed out the list above. The MOTH has been very diligent and wanting to do the right thing by me (apart from the Ferrari) and went on a hunt to buy everything on the list. Some of those things were pretty challenging but he also managed to make the ‘normal’ things more difficult. He couldn’t just buy lentils from the supermarket. He had to buy FRENCH LENTILS from the health food shop. They are sure to work better. So we had very posh FRENCH LENTIL BURGERS for tea. Voila!

I wondered why Rye bread always has wheat flour in it so I decided to make my own ‘cardboard-tasting-solid-as-a-brick’ loaf. It didn’t rise at all and it made me gag to eat it. All is good. WIth my french lentils and my cardboard brick Rye loaf I can conquer all.

Tests and stuff

Today I have a Gated Heart Pool Scan and a full body CT scan. The heart one is to check if it will stand up to one of the chemo drugs which they use in the trial and the CT scan is to check for cancer locations in soft tissue. I had the bone scan last Friday and we should get the results when I see the oncologist tomorrow.

I have to have a biopsy next Friday so they can tag the tumour. Perhaps they want to track where I am so I can’t run away (microchip). Then I have to sort out wigs, bras and where and when I will start chemo. I’m happy to be doing the trial (see blog post #1) as it means I will be closely monitored. Shrinking the tumour before removing it just makes sense. So let’s hope and pray that I will be a suitable candidate.

I’m so blessed to have Colin, my kids and their partners and a huge network of family and friends who are all with me on the journey. If I don’t respond to your messages or have that promised coffee it’s not that I don’t appreciate you.

The purpose of this blog is to inspire others and not to get pity. I hope that regardless of tomorrows results I can do that in some way. If not, just let me make you laugh so we can all feel OK about it. Maybe some days I won’t be laughing and you can pay me back;)

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A good life is when you assume nothing, do more, need less, smile often, dream big, laugh a lot and realise how blessed you are.

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Through the eyes of a dishmop

Dishmoptop's blog about travel and other exciting stuff.