When The Moth and I got married, my mother was 39 years old. Yes 39. When I had Shannon she was 43 and by the time she got cancer and died at 54 she had 9 grandchildren (another 2 arrived later). I’m about to turn 54 so I have one question…. Where are my grandchildren????? I have a cupboard full of toys and a heart full of love just waiting for them. I can’t see any sign.
Mum with Shannon in 1984
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not planning to go and meet my maker for another 30+ years but I’m feeling totally ripped off all the same. I used to talk about booties and teddy bears to my daughter in law but she took a firm hold of me one day and put me straight. You know how wicked I am. Do you think I should play the ‘but I’ve got cancer’ card? I know it didn’t work for the red Ferrari but maybe…
In the meantime, there is always my dog Marley who has his endearing side but I’ve yet to find it.
By the way… please hide this from Hannah and Shannon they will kill me!
I began my 3rd chemo drug combo last Wednesday which consists of Carboplatin and Taxotere. That’s 6 different chemo drugs now. 9 months of chemo in total (once I finish). It just goes to prove that I’m a tough old boot. Apparently my full treatment including radiotherapy will finish next April. Given I found the lump last January that’s 15 months I’ll never get back! Breast reconstruction will be next October but I’m not counting that because it isn’t officially ‘treatment’ for cancer.
My sister arrived late in the morning chatted to me during chemo which was nice for both me and for The Moth who went and did the grocery shopping instead. I’m sure the novelty has gone off sitting in Maroondah long ago! I was there for 6.5 hours so Margie made time go fast and I managed to draw my Christmas card with the cannula in my hand. Not with the precision I like but that ‘naive’ look can be cute:)
Prior to chemo, I had another 100ml in my breast tissue expander. I have to say… that was REALLY painful. I’m not sure about having chemo and the expansion on the same day was a good thing. Between the nausea, stomach burn, insomnia from the cortisone and the pain from the expander I’ve had a restless time. Miraculously, I did manage to do some kind of ‘hobble/run/walk’ around the athletics track yesterday. I ate part of my breakfast too which was also a miracle.
I have to confess, I took the 4 prescribed Dexamethasone the day before chemo (and had a horrendous night sleep as a result) and again in the morning before, but I didn’t take it for the next 3 days as I should have. I don’t know what’s worse, the chemo side effects or the Dex side effects. Perhaps I’ll take it next time and see for myself. I’m creating my own world now that I am so ‘experienced’ ha ha.
Having chemo in Spring is so much nicer than it was in Winter. I can go and potter outside in the sunshine and tend to my little vege garden. I’ve always hated the cold but being unwell at the same time just added to the gloom. Hooray for the sunshine.
3 more chemo boosts to go (3 weekly). How many countdowns have I done now? I seem to spend my life counting down to things. My hair is about to fall out again for the 3rd time and that’s something I don’t like counting. Every time it starts to grow and I get EYELASHES, they are hit by another chemo boost. MOSTLY I’m counting down to having 2 weeks in QLD in November. We haven’t had a lot of success with holidays lately so I’m praying for this one to go forward without any hiccups! I have chemo 4 days prior to flying out so that will be ‘interesting’.
Before we go to QLD I have to finish illustrating a children’s book for a publisher and complete my Artist in Residence program at Luther College. Phew. I thought being an artist was all about dancing amongst the daisies.
The menu at The Wood Hood
My appetite after having chemo is quite odd. Something akin to being pregnant but much worse. Even when I feel hungry, I don’t feel like anything in the cupboard. So here is the list of vaguely appealing food. You will notice that they are all CARBS and have no nutrition. So much for the healthy eating plan.
1. Fried rice from the Chinese shop 15 minutes away
2. Mixed Berry muffin from Muffin Break (with cream cheese)… also 15 minutes away
3. Macaroni with grated cheese and tomato sauce on top (an old family favourite)
4. Toast… but only as a last resort
5. Costco prawn dumplings (but I’m getting tired of them)
6. Apples from Costco. WOW vitamins.
Most of the time nothing other than these items will tempt me. Hopefully tomorrow I will pick up and then I’ll have 2 weeks of dumpling and carb free eating!
Love you lots!
Thanks to you all for your continued prayers. I know it’s been a long and boring rant but I really appreciate your cares and concerns. I feel bad that I haven’t individually thanked people for cards and kind messages but please know it gives me a great boost to have you cheering along side me.