When people ask me how I am I say ‘good thanks’. That’s the standard Aussie response but what I mean by ‘good’ is… ‘all things considered… I’m good’. If I wasn’t on chemo and was asked the same question maybe I’d say ‘not so good’. I don’t usually launch into details because there are people around me suffering far more from various illnesses. Besides, I am feeling good emotionally and that’s a significant thing. In 2 months time I change chemo drugs to ‘AC’ and this could reduce my blood count dramatically. I will have 12 weeks of it, so I’m preparing my body to be fit and healthy by eating right and exercising regularly! At present, my blood count is still normal and the tumour has shrunk to the size and width of a long grain of rice so thank God for that!
Here is my pity party list for those who want to know what ‘good’ means…
- I can’t sleep due to insomnia and night sweats which are every 30 minutes. This is due to ‘THE PAUSE’ not the chemo, now that I’m off HRT. 3 months ago I slept like a log. Here I am now, writing this blog post at 4am. Boo!
- My brain is really struggling with ‘chemo fog’ as well as ‘THE PAUSE’ causing brain malfunction. It exhausts me to make every day decisions. Cooking tea is a major drain on the grey matter. I’m so glad I’ve made my life uncomplicated! Being self employed means no sick leave and my job requires lots of brain power because eLearning projects have strict deadlines and can be very complex. The threat of litigation looms over my head if projects are not completed to an agreed standard. So work is out of the question. Boo!
- My sinuses are picking up allergies and causing problems due to the thinning of the skin (everywhere) and the hairless nostrils. Bleeding and congestion issues have been mostly resolved by putting vitamin E inside the nostrils each night. I know that’s TMI but some of my readers have cancer and details can be helpful!
- Although I have no nausea, my food tastes weird. I have to ask people if my cooking is funky because it sure tastes that way.
So overall, that’s not too bad is it? As I say… I’m good!
Life is fairly self indulgent right now. I have ‘rest time’ blocked in most days so that I don’t over do it. I am not putting my hand up for things which I know will create stress. What? Not doing 1000 things at once? No study, art, work and play? Usually that’s what I thrive on. SometimesI feel listless without the challenge factor, but mostly I’m happy in my little foggy world. I’m so glad I have my art and it’s been selling quite well so that helps pay for materials. My social calendar keeps me pretty busy and I don’t have to use my brain too much for that:)
I’m managing to keep myself healthy and to maintain my fitness level. On Sunday I’m off to run the MS 5k fun run with my dear friend who has had MS for 21 years.
I’m not being a hero, I am a fighter by nature. I am also contrary, independent and stubborn, which is the flip side of being a fighter. The MOTH will verify this without thinking about it for more than 3.5 seconds. I know that all cancer patients deal with their illness differently, there are 100s of different chemotherapy drugs which have various side effects and also different types of cancer and different types of breast cancer as well. I would hate to think people felt inadequate or compared themselves to my story. My story is my own and I recognize that we all tick differently and our bodys respond differently. My first response to anything is to fight. Not necessarily the right response!
To begin with, I was already physically fit (for a 53yo female) and ate a healthy diet. I don’t drink alcohol very often and I don’t smoke. I also boosted myself up with supplements prior to beginning chemo. So my starting point was high therefore I’ve managed to maintain good health up to now. If my starting point was low, no doubt I would be struggling a bit more than I am. I’ve found it important to know my limits and listen to my body!
Loving my 3 sisters
Last weekend I escaped to Sorrento with my 3 sisters for our first time away together ever. It was an amazing weekend and I loved having time to just chat, laugh, soak in the hot springs, eat and shop with them. Getting there was a challenge. Firstly one sister had an abscess which resulted in surgery to have a molar removed the day before we went away. With a mouth full of stitches and in pain, she soldiered on! One of my other sisters had a chest cold but wasn’t infectious. As well as that, I broke a molar off on the Wednesday and had it filled the day after, which is a bit of a big deal when you’re on chemo. Hooray for them and the tough genes! It was a miracle we made it but it was definitely worth it.
Embracing the bald
I’m taking a photo a day of my lovely bald head in different hats, wigs and so forth, of which I seem to have in abundance. Many of them are costumes I’ve scavenged from around the house. I might make a fast paced movie at some stage. Why? Because I want people to know that losing your ‘vices’ isn’t so bad. Hair loss is a fear a lot of women have and I was not looking forward it at all but it can be quite liberating or even amusing. Sometimes it can be just plain weird.