This story will prove to you that a splinter in the finger is more serious than cancer… or anything really.

Last Tuesday, the MOTH begrudgingly went out into the garden to do some major pruning, which he hates. After an hour or so he arrived at the door with a sore finger. He thought there might be a splinter in it but I couldn’t see one so I put a bandaid on it and he went back out and continued. Nice try Col… I know you don’t like gardening but that’s a pretty lame way of getting out of it.

The next night he asked me to see if there was a splinter in there and if I could cut it out. I got out my craft knife and sliced across it but he couldn’t take the pain so I put detol on it and a bandaid and he went to work the next day. I made an appointment at the doctors for him for Friday morning and off he went.

The doctor took a look at it and said ‘I think you’d better go to casualty. ‘But it’s just a splinter!’ Colin exclaimed.

Casualty at Maroondah had many people in it apparently. He met a man with chest pain and got chatting to a woman sitting next to him who had a broken ankle. Guess who got taken in first? Colin with the splinter in his finger. He kept saying ‘but it’s just a splinter!’ but the medical staff could see the serious nature of the injury.

Most of you know that he is the only person in the world who doesn’t have a mobile phone. So the woman (patient) sitting next to him took this photo and sent it to me with no explanation. I received the photo and thought ‘WHAT????’ I was incredulous. Why are you in plaster up to your elbow with an IV in???? Well I would have asked this but of course, he doesn’t have a phone so I couldn’t.

The doctors were very concerned. They told him he needed two lots of surgery and to stay in hospital for 3 days. He would need at least a week off work. So I went in to casualty to see the poor man with the splinter. This was a little problematic because I had my car as well as his parked in 2 hour spots at the hospital and it was 3 hours before we were meant to go away on our family trip.

In casualty, the MOTH was creating a circus. A nurse had growled at him and told him to sit still because he was wandering around, the other medical staff were all looking ‘amused’ at the performance he was making about the splinter. He was behaving like Croc Dundee in New York. Having never been in hospital in his life, the novelty was wearing very thin.

After a short while, the porter came to take him up to the wards. Colin held his arm up and said to her ‘I’ve got a splinter!’. She was most concerned and offered to get a wheelchair.

So he settled into bed with a TV and a paper and INSISTED that I went to Rosebud without him. I felt a mixture of amused, sad that he missed out and incredulous… even annoyed at the amount of fuss they were making. He was fasting for surgery and like a tiger in a cage so it wasn’t too difficult to wave goodbye.

Ashlee came and helped with the cars and Soph and Jarrod drove me to Rosebud where we all worried ourselves sick about the splintered finger.

 What was all the fuss?

Apparently the splinter was near a tendon in his finger which could give him a stiff finger or at worse he could lose it because the infection could eat it away. They were talking plastic surgery, skin grafts and so on. Later that night they took the splinter out under local anaesthetic and cleaned it up. No plastic surgery or skin grafts and the wound looked fine. Apart from them putting the anaesthetic into the wrong finger all went well, According to Colin the splinter was 20cm long. Given that it was going across his finger which is 1cm wide that’s what remarkable (said with a touch of sarcasm). He spent 24 hours on an IV drip and then DROVE himself to Rosebud to join us. He has no plaster now but his ‘rude finger’ (middle one) has a big bandage on it and he very rudely sticks it up at us at any given time. He announces frequently that he ‘has a splinter’ and can’t possibly get himself coffee, water or any other thing and needs to sit in a chair all day.

PLUS… the district nurse is coming every day to change the dressing (!!!).

I am almost speechless. It seems like a candid camera episode or something. Do I sound unsympathetic? Well part of me wondered if there was missing information and perhaps I should be worried but I just couldn’t find it in myself. My brave fireman had a splinter and it just seemed so… well… trivial. He told the nurse it was worse than my cancer and she agreed! Of course he thinks it’s as funny as the rest of us and it’s now his talking point whenever we meet people.  So glad I haven’t got a splinter like he has he he.

I’ll leave you with my favourite YouTube clip which will amuse most of the women in this world…